I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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