When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
