So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
