i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
