sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"