At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
