he shaved USA in his pubs
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
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That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
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I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon