Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes