We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
from now on my penis is your penis
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
