Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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