Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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