I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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