my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you win again, gameday.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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