Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
