I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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