I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
