So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
