I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
