I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The air was thick with penises
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
