i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing