Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
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during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
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You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.