Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.

(1-214): View more from Texas

You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously

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(214): On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi. (1-214): You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously http://tfl.nu/z61a

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(708): View more from Illinois

you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend

(1-708): View more from Illinois

why?

(708): View more from Illinois

so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.

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(708): you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend (1-708): why? (708): so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement. http://tfl.nu/h2nt

Replies (163) Good night (3489) Bad night (1161)
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(513): View more from Ohio

why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...

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(513): why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway... http://tfl.nu/r09c

Replies (12) Good night (810) Bad night (4257)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.

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(910): so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch. http://tfl.nu/syjm

Replies (57) Good night (17124) Bad night (1199)
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(520): View more from Arizona

Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.

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(520): Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents. http://tfl.nu/dtw6

Replies (5) Good night (4339) Bad night (1231)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."

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(403): During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch." http://tfl.nu/35ko

Replies (29) Good night (1139) Bad night (4479)
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(480): View more from Arizona

She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like

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(480): She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like http://tfl.nu/mlp3

Replies (54) Good night (11250) Bad night (1346)
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(631): View more from New York

this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed

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(631): this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed http://tfl.nu/rgow

Replies (19) Good night (5502) Bad night (1162)
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(513): View more from Ohio

We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.

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(513): We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case. http://tfl.nu/f3uf

Replies (17) Good night (3856) Bad night (877)
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(575): View more from New Mexico

Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.

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(575): Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship. http://tfl.nu/tvch

Replies (8) Good night (853) Bad night (3253)
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(315): View more from New York

Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.

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(315): Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline. http://tfl.nu/p7f8

Replies (4) Good night (419) Bad night (1091)
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(760): View more from California

I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.

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(760): I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable. http://tfl.nu/xt8c

Replies (1) Good night (1003) Bad night (473)
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(616): View more from Michigan

He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"

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(616): He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!" http://tfl.nu/zjl5

Replies (1) Good night (729) Bad night (463)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.

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(307): Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too. http://tfl.nu/aq9s

Replies (4) Good night (1118) Bad night (368)
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(703): View more from Virginia

I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going

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(703): I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going http://tfl.nu/4frq

Replies (5) Good night (845) Bad night (570)

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