They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me