We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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