he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
