those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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