If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
