i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you told grandpa to call you daddy
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's blow job season.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
