??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
