put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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