I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Can I color on your dick again?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
