he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
