Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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