I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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