Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
