Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
