just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
