Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
