Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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