1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
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