no, he came in my armpit
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
