She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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