How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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