I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize