i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
