In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize