she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
