Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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