Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
