Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
