The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Boobs speak an international language.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
