Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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