I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
