Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
