Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
