i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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