if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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