We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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