Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
