grandma shit on top of the toilet
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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