just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i drank out of a bidet.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think I just sharted jello shots
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