I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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