help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
