I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
