I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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