nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
