Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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