He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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