i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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