I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
