she was so not down for the gang bang
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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