Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
