He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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