i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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