dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
