She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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