hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
