Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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