Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
