We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
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Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
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Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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