my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
