Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
