i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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