I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
