I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
