i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I think I just sharted jello shots
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
