I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
