Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
