we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
