hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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