just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
