I just pynch a tree in the face
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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